My friends I’m a sucker for a good beatnik picture. And this ain’t it.

Starring , I’ll get to it . . .

This particular old British mess has so much going for it. It has Trelane from the old Star Trek series, and as you may remember, he was winning. The actor’s name is William Campbell, he’s a brilliant artist who gets hot ladies to drop their panties for his art. Oh, he also happens to be a vampire. However, he’s kind of the worst sort of boring ass vampire that never bites any ladies. Cue their disappointment. What he does, and this my friends is convoluted, is encase them in a kind of plaster, and also kind of renders them in a big boiling pot. The nominal blood bath. Yikes. And Ew. So much for the sexy vampire.

I just noticed that on IMBD (which I had to check to make sure I had the spelling of his name right, and to remind myself that I was indeed right that he was a vampire. It reads that he “thinks” himself a vampire. Thinks. So, he’s not really a vampire is he? Which would explain some of the behavior. I was just thinking he was a vampire, but was just solidly inept every time a lovely woman was wearing her best diving cleavage sweater and leaning her head waaaay back, inviting a nibble, that he just was somehow not getting the message. I mean what the fuck is the point of being a vampire if you ain’t biting a pretty neck? OK I got that out of the way.

The subplot involves a group of beatniks, my favorites, with their berets and their affectation of artiness. One of these Beats is none other than Sid Haig. Once again the tall bearded man with the egg-shaped head (normally bald) appears in a supporting role and he’s got some hair! He wasn’t born bald! Old Sid Haig, man he was in a lot of shit. He unfortunately passed away a few months ago, but he was a kind of sinister, cackling goon in many a Terantino epic. As well as TJ Hooker, the A-Team, Quincy, and Buck Rogers, the original Star Trek and so much more. Hell I loved old Sid. He was in many exploitation films, from women in prison to old biker gang flicks. Hell he was even on Gunsmoke. Anyway, I’ll miss his mug showing up. Thankfully there’s still so much by him I’ve not yet seen! Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II is a treat but watch the new MST3K guys or the Rifftrax guys (or both) harpoon it. I’ll be needing to cover it as well.

The gang Sid (or as he’s known here, Abdulla) is hanging out with is experimenting with paint guns and calling it “quantum painting”. Actually a pretty good joke. When I was in my twenties the holistic health batshit nutty folks began adding “quantum” to much of their rhetoric about the fact that none of their holistic bullshit worked. See it worked in some quantum sense that we can’t measure, because the world is actually all about this idea that one particle of electromagnetic radiation seems to be able to respond to its separated mate across distance . . . A simultaneous response when one of the pair is effected in some manner. It’s mind boggling to think about, and physics folks basically tell you to just accept it. It’s how stuff works on that level. Course the Newagers were all fine with it because it gave them this terrific way of escaping all manner of pragmatic testing. And allowed them to invoke what seems like magic! Just toss the term quantum around my friends and you’ll see heads explode! Well, our friends in Blood Bath were having fun with it too. There was also a bit of body painting in which a lovely young woman’s face was slathered with paint and she was squished to the canvas. They borrowed that bit from an old Elvis mess that was probably about six or seven years older.

Anyhoo, Trelane, I mean, the artist known as Sorti, is on the beach, chasing around his latest muse (which we assume he wants to plaster or boil (in the blood bath, you see), but never quite getting sweet with her, and tripping-out whenever his long lost demon love returns, superimposed over the top of the lovely lass. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the demon spirit pursuing his asexual Morrissey-like ass. Sadly, much of this kooky flick is rather unsatisfying, sort of straddling a ven-diagram between being a weird psychological thriller and a flat out Hammer studios ghost/vampire/murder flick a-and being a kind of low-rent comedic romp with the sappy heart-broken beatniks and their quantum paint gun. It could just be the margaritas talking, but sometimes when these three types of disparate films are cobbled together the resulting brew is a delight. But this time, despite Sid and Trelane it’s not quite hitting the mark.

Watch drunk. The good news is it’s very short!

On Prime for gratis!

Sid Haig

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