I Saw A Film!

  1. A film from 1968 with the retro touches of a much older era, helped along tremendously by having John Carradine spout oodles of meaningless science mumbo-jumbo, in a manner only he was appropriate for, while fiddling with knobs, mounted near gauges, wired to stuff and arranged in a large basement flat, hung with lovely stage drapes.
  2. The film includes Tom Pace who played the Buz in Girl With the Gold Boots that same year. He’s a much more likable heroic fellow in this particular film.
  3. When the Astro-Zombie attacks a sound like a police siren is played, and it totally overwhelms the creature’s victims. Most of the film has a lot of reverb on it. It provides some extra “astro” effect.
  4. An Astro-Zombie, sometimes called an Astro-man (I presume it’s a Zombie when it’s gone wrong and starts killing cute ladies) is meant to be some kind of early prototype of a Gibson-like direct human to computer connection ( think Matrix or several other films starring Keeanu in which he plugs himself into computers).
  5. For some reason this futuristic human looks like a person with a white skull mask and insect eyes, including the top mounted triad of ocelli with which the Astro-man seems to get solar radiation to power itself.
  6. Carradine sends off his minion to collect bodies with which he assembles his creations in a sort of Frankenstein-esque method. He even has his gruff “Igor” character, called Juan, who is apparently doing his own “graduate research” nearby with a luscious lady writhing on a table, lightly testing some straps it looks a lot like she could easily escape. Fun!
  7. Most of the sleep inducing quality of this film is cleverly created by having the talent standing or seated and just talking back and forth, sometimes reading directly off pages. It’s masterfully yawn inducing.
  8. Eventually, the heroes, with Buz in the lead, manage to figure out a means of attracting the weird Astro-zombie by baiting him with a gorgeous technician who sits so uncomfortably bent over at a microscope, while waiting to be attacked, that my back hurt watching her. She doesn’t get attacked during this long bait and stake-out.
  9. Meanwhile, as if this were not enough for a really terrific film, Tura Satana , a walking BDSM fetish transvestite, is a crime boss stomping around in her massive eyelashes and meting out her brand of trigger-finger justice left and right (reprising her role from Faster Pussycat Kill Kill). Her switch-blade equipped helper are on the case of locating the home of the Astro-Zombies which I presume she wants to bolster her ranks of henchmen. It was a stroke of genius to put her in this thing. I’m sure her hair alone threw the budget out of whack.
  10. Take a break to kind of allow all that to sink in. Enjoy a bongo-accompanied nude dancer our heroes take in.
  11. Finally, the gears all mesh properly and bullets, Astro-zombies, killers and heroes all combine in a tepid sequence of fairly well-expected comeuppance.

For FREE (FREE MY FRIENDS (well you do pay for Prime, but no extra for this one))

2 thoughts on “The Astro-Zombies (1968)

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