I Saw A Film!

Scott Baio, looking remarkably like a young James Darren, tortures mice in a high school lab with booze and tiny scuba apparatuses (science!) While wearing a massive pair of nerd glasses he never puts on again. Meanwhile his pal is growing weed in a cabinet behind him (they never smoke it), and a journalistically obsessed young woman pops in randomly to find out what’s going on. Scatman Crothers is the coach, and the father figure from SOAP is the principal, whose subplot is insecurely trying to find a dating partner in a local personals section.

And so we have a stage. Soon Baio has some kind of impossible lab accident that causes him to be able to cause ladies’ tops to fly off, and random objects to fly around by producing an intense look. His friends aren’t altogether horrified by the sudden capabilities but instead find themselves enjoying the random hi-jinks he can cause. For example, while a ballad about falling in love plays he dangerously forces an RC model aircraft to nearly kill its operator. Hilarious! He does manage to make a few bullies pay buy having them carried off on wires and deposited in trees while picnickers stare. He causes his ball team to score, and a few other low end nonsense things that a high school kid might be interested in doing. But when his buddy suddenly realized the potential for gambling, he gets squeamish and tries to focus.

The special effects are animated or wired, and when we see a ventriloquist dummy in Baio’s room, we know we’re going to be seeing that thing animated to scare the pee out of someone. He has it fly at his mom, who then spends much of the film waving a crucifix around and arranging for a pair of priests to come to attempt an exorcism. Why he has no problem sharing the abilities with his pals but can’t explain it to his terrified mom is not explained. His dad, Col. Blake from the original MASH movie, sleeps through most of it.

Most of the operations of the film are fairly predictable and boring, and when a romance erupts between our little journalist cutie and Baio (who understandably seems to have abandoned his studies) it’s really hard to care. Neither seem mature enough to have a feeling that would qualify and so we’re watching them smooch and be prudish about her top. Course he could just pop her top off with his mind, but he doesn’t, because, you know, love.

The finale is a prom as it so often is in these cornball high school comedies, and it’s a teen boy’s dream as all the ladies lose their tops and skirts and we get a buffet of boobs and buns. Delightful, if random sightings of boobs and buns is your sort of thing, for me, removed from a context of anything sexual, the excitement can only be described as juvenile. Juvenile? I mean, we are talking about a film called Zapped!.

Suddenly, Baio is bonked on the head by something (sadly not one of the ladies’ boots), and appears to have lost his powers. Or has he?

Harmless and totally unmemorable Freebie on prime if you’re really missing the early 80s and Baio. Oh, and there’s a brief moment of the unmistakable Eddie Deezan at a roulette wheel.

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