I Saw A Film!

A man-fantasy about being stranded with a bevy of lovely show dancers on a deserted island after their burning and nose-diving plane crashes, is hilariously punctuated with girl-fights and an oversized “spider” capable of turning people into spider-men with its venom.

The film itself has not aged well, the resolution and moaning “grind” style sound-track are a warbly mess as the camera spends its time panning across the half-naked babes and hairy man-chest of Gary, the show producer now in charge of these helpless, subject-to-their-impulses dancers. I should point out for PC purposes that Dancers are very poorly represented in this film. They’re immature, contrite, and all but perfectly ripe horror movie victims. I’m sure dancers would be upset with these pointedly negative portrayals of their craft but, it was the era, we just didn’t respect dancers the way we do now.

Once Gary is bit by the googly-eyed giant spider and proceeds to transform, the ladies end up in the forests all calling “Gary” in various dubbed accents and pitches, creating something almost musical. Of course, Gary’s spider claws just miss, as they reach for one of the dancers. Much of the film will have you rolling in hoots. Several of the “attacks” are very much in the vein of The Creature From the Black Lagoon–fanfare and just a claw reaching out for the ladies. The black lagoon creature must have become a kind of benchmark monster movie tactic for the era. Eventually some more prospectors show up, sucking in their guts, and wearing their belts over their navels, to discover the dancers frolicking in the water and more goofball wrestling and falling-in-love instantly occur.

This is running free on Prime, and well worth it just for the guffaws you’re likely to nearly hurt yourself with as the ladies wrestle and speak utter nonsense in a variety of dubbed voices. And if, like me, you enjoy curvy 50’s era ladies in short skirts you’re in luck, this thing plays like a very generous nearly soft-core porn. It’s much like what I always wanted Gilligan’s Island to devolve into.

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