I Saw A Film!

As the movie begins we find out that the gods have been absent from the lives of people because we people need to learn to do without gods. After Hera, Poseidon and company raise King Minos to fight Hercules their protagonist escapes them by using science, though what they intend by science is just more magic! Hercules has to fight a few swamp creatures that even the village maidens are capable of beating the crap out of. And like ten minutes into the film Hercules has already found three of the seven stolen thunderbolts of Zeus by dispatching a strange knight of death, and the Gorgon, and some other random gymnast beast. Hercules is enlisted by these maidens to help fight off Antaeus (represented with animated blue light) who’s been eating far too many of these lovely models, sacrificed for his dinner. Hercules soon rectifies this issue, fighting with the blue light. The Moon is headed for Earth and Herc has to get to work to avoid this cataclysm. Things move right along when you’re Hercules.

Lou Ferrigno plays Hercules based on his fantastic muscularity. His voice however is dubbed, it’s an Italian product and dubbing is one of their industrial specialties. Lots of animation, screen wipes, burning models, lovely ladies, and thrilling musical stings keep us riveted to our seats as the plot points and adversaries are walked through like taking in a country fair’s museum of oddities. Hercules uses a lot of back-fists, but he’s no match for a net. Or the magnetic web of the spider queen, who he no sooner meets then he’s strangling her to death with an odd little smile (enjoys his work I guess). What would it mean to be invincible? When you have supernatural powers, when is your time your own? If, like Jesus, you could heal illness with a touch, when do you stop touching?

There’s a little bit of Godzilla vs. King Kong embedded in the finale, I wasn’t expecting it, but it feels a bit like they tossed in all they could to excite the kiddos watching this thing. Finally, Zeus makes Herc huge so he can reset the moon around the Earth, but he gets the rotation wrong (the Moon rotates once per revolution around the Earth which is why we always seen the same side), they have the Moon spinning like a top, but I suppose it could have slowed down since then.

This is running Free on USA Prime and good for some laughs while you sample spirits.

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