I Saw A Film!

In the far future of 2008, global warming will have caused a kind of sloshy, galoshes-required, flooding of London. Tromping around in his moist knee-high engineer boots and black leather duster is the late Rutger Hauer, adjusting his spectacles and more or less looking awesome, as he cruises a dance club on a hunch a killer he’s been tracking for years (for killing his partner) is in the vicinity. A lovely girl gets killed in the loo (prepare for some gore), one he was supposed to be watching the back of, and there he is hopelessly behind the ball again.

Hauer it turns out is unofficially on the case, having been suspended by his superiors unexpectedly played by fantastic British actors Peter Postlethwaite and Alun Armstrong. Soon enough he’s teamed up with kooky Alastair Duncan as Detective Dick Dirkin, a newage, astrology-occult inspired nerd who side-kicks with Hauer in a classic yin-yang of menace coupled with the silly “intellectualism” of book-learnin’, though, clearly not anything but more sci-fi inspired crap. Dirkin postulates our hero Hauer is psychic. Neato.

For much of the first act of the film we’re thinking the killer Hauer is obsessed with is a person, but evidence soon mounts (like a removed heart with a toothy cartoon shark bite taken out of it) to suggest we’re not dealing with a person. And by the time Kim Cattrall (Mmmmm!) arrives in her square Betty Page haircut and seemingly endless shower scenes (thank you movie!) the killer has transformed from someone who can taunt with packages sent to the police to, basically, the xenomorph from Alien. Somehow no one sees this monster standing around corners and shipping packages?

It’s not important, we’re not supposed to be thinking that hard we just want to see Hauer fighting a monster, and Kim in the shower. Perfect action, sci-fi film crap. And hell, there’s even some comic relief with the side-kick.

Rats feature big in the film and Michael J. Pollard has a quick little rat-catcher cameo that really adds nothing to the story. The Dirkin Character keeps blurting DNA nonsense about the monster collecting his victim’s DNA (and what?). The film feels a bit like one of the RPG games from the Fallout franchise, especially when our heroes arm themselves with mini chain shotguns, though, they’re just toys and the firepower is not well represented.

This is running free on Prime and a film I didn’t even know existed. It’s a fairly fun little sci-fi noir/monster film. Oh and we get some Ian Dury as the club owner. Fun.

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